Patunog
Pagkatapos ko gawin itong isang pic, well, a picture that I purposedly posed for, and edited purposely thereafter, sabi ko, it is good. Tapos nagtanong ako sa mga tao, what do you think of this? I got mixed responses.
Pero sabi ko nga kanina, habang tinitingnan maigi yung pic, omg, astig, di ko to inaasahan nung ine-edit ko. Hanggang ngayon tinitignan ko pa rin ulit, itong bagay na ginawa ko in less than 5 seconds where I decided on a few things, before I finally clicked saved as, and it is now a finished picture.
I won’t have to write about this, but seeing that three instances of the same musing has happened this day already, here it is.
Tulad ng sasabihin ng ibang tao, I found this beautiful when I wrote it, and so, it stays.
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Nasan na ba ko, buti na lang na-regain ko na sarili ko, dahil nababaliw nako sa onset ng aking antok, at dahil sa half shot ng scotch, na wala dapat effect. Nandito na uli ako, nakahiga sa harap ng masaya at nasa harap ng laptop nagttype.
Eh kaso bago ko ituloy sinasabi ko kanina naghahanap pa naman ako ng music na mag-s-suit sa aking mood. Na nakalimutan ko na, pero dahil dun, chineck ko downloads ko at pnreview ang Sunset Blvd, at, oh boy, am I little excited on seeing this film in its entirety. At kanina, habang kumukuha ng inumin sa ref, itong ref na dindeclare ko lang kanina, if I have my own refrigrator, I will turn it into a liquor cabinet. Kaso, for now, nakikihati ako, pero may laman yung 150 peso vodka, almost empty jager, a half bottle of scotch. at tubig, at kung anong wala. Sabi ko sarili ko, it may not look much, but this is what I have now, and I will look back on this day, this day where there’s a person sleeping on my floor whose bedding I prepared, my sister’s homework which I was supposed to do, sits nicely, weighted by my industrial fan, and still a couple of homeworks left undone, and I think there might be an exam this following morning, even though I look back on things that has passed, I seem to forget to look on the present, and how it immediately becomes a part of the past, the moment I take notice of it. And these things right here, my family guy mouse pad, my shot glass, my shoulder bag with the broken zipper, this headphone with a roll of masking tape at one end, this cracked lips, this night of endless comfort that always ends up with the frustration of the coming morning, these things, these are what dreams are made of.
I would like to think that watching How I Met Your Mother with a weird buddy, playing as a mad doctor in a Hitchcock inspired class presentation, being talked down by my thesis adviser for tardiness issues, and learning things for the first time over and over again, make up a huge part of what I’m trying to be. But somehow some things that I remember clearly and completely forget about on some other days, these things make up more of who I am, and who I will still be. I still remember listening to Revolver’s Here, There and Everywhere on that bus ride, viewing endless crops, and electric lines, holding this someone as she sleeps by my shoulder. That moment when that jeepney turned the corner near my baptismal place and the golden light of the streetlamps shone on her face, lighting it up , as she looks at me, smiling. Even that moment, under the stars, near the seashore, with all the people around, and the coldness of dawn, I slept outside, above the sands, wrapped in my malong. That day in October, where after delaying my departure in anticipation, I saw my chance, and kissed this girl on the cheek, and fled. During the rush of dusk, and of traffic, I pressed my lips against this girl’s head. And other things, mean things, and things that have not yet happened, but will happen still, I don’t know what they will be, but I will be happy, or as someone will put it, euphoric, they have happened and that they will happen.
Kaso, nagsasalita na naman ako sa ilong ko, at habang kinakagat pa ng lamok na di ko tiyak kung ilan, pero siguradong nangangati mula sa di kukulang na tatlong kagat ng lamok. Kailangan ko gumising mamayang 8, or at least, bumalik sa dati kong ginagawa mamayang umaga, naglalakad, nawawala, naglalakad dito sa malaking kawalan.
Hay nako, kaunting ipit, kaunting dulas. Kaunting pilit, kaunting piglas.
Mawawala na ulit ang inipon kong kaunting pagdarama, mamayang umaga, balik na uli sa
———— kaunting lingon, kaunting imik, kaunting panahon, kaunting hiling
Malaking wala, walang pagsisisi, walang nangyari, walang buhay
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bahlaks, Bullocks.
